But then I died..(a poem)

I used to love to read and write and eat and sleep

I used to love to dance and sing and run and laugh

I used to love the way reading made the feel. The way I loved movies so much

I used to love the smell of food and even better, the taste of it

I used to love how I loved to speak and argue until everyone heard me and understood me

I used to love everything I used to be and everything I dreamed to be.

But then I died

I couldn’t eat or sleep or dance or sing or run or laugh anymore

I couldn’t be what I’ve always wanted and all I’ve always wanted to be

I couldn’t see my very innocent sister’s smile when she asked me very dumb questions

I couldn’t see the way my mom cooked and cooked until she was covered in sweat and the pain that constantly hung around her

I couldn’t see the way my tired and ever hopeful dad always looked at me with pride anytime he saw my grades

I couldn’t be anymore.

Then I died and after I did

My dreams died with me

My love died with me

My loneliness died with me

My strength and weakness died with me

The voices in my head died with me

The marks I decorated my skin with died with me

The ugly thoughts I always thought about myself died with me

My happiness and sadness died with me

I died with me.


hi people! How’re you doing?! I really hope you’re doing ok!

For me, I’m pretty good. I just wanted to share this poem with you:)

thank you for reading!

byee:))

*don’t forget that God loves you forever and that you’re so worthy🤍🌻

My Chocolatey Brown Skin(a poem)

For the tenth time that day,

I stare and stare at the skin behind my fingers

I stare because it’s a wonder and a delight

According to my mum and dad and my best friend.

My friends call it chocolatey brown skin that reminds them of the KitKat bar no one could never resist

My parents tell me, chocolatey brown skin that reminds of them of Earth, of the soil, of the land.

I can’t stop staring because

Like the creepy man at the bus stop says,

It’s like the eight wonder of the world

And as I stare and stare at my chocolatey brown skin,

I wonder what the man I always see in the train sees

That makes him look at me with eyes full of disgust

Anytime he saw my chocolatey brown skin.

And then I wonder, what my boyfriend sees

When he calls me cocoa and all the names that belong to Starbucks drinks

I wonder what about my chocolatey brown skin makes me so different

I wonder what about it draws so much attention

I wonder what about it makes everyone extra sweet to me

I wonder what about it makes me less of a human

I wonder what about it reduces me to sugar filled Starbucks drinks

I wonder what about my chocolatey brown makes me keep staring at the skin at the back of my finger.


hii! How are you?! I hope you are doing okay!

For me, I am doing pretty alright! I just wanted to share this poem with you!

Thank you for reading as always:))

byee!

*don’t forget that God loves you forever and that no matter your skin color, you are beautiful and beautiful and so beautiful.

A mini life update + podcast re-branding + YouTube channel

Hello everyone! How are you doing?! I hope you are staying safe and trying to keep your head up high! If you are not doing okay, please do not stop trusting God and keep trying to be positive. All will be okay, even when it really does not seem like that!

It really feels like it has been a while since I have been on here and I feel very bad about that. A lot has happened though and I removed all my followers here on the blog- this was an okay decision, by the way. I honestly kind of want to start again and start afresh-like a new beginning. I am also thinking of a new name for the blog. So yeah, that is what is up with the blog.

How am I really doing?! No worries, I will be talking about it a little bit here.

Mini life update

Okay, so, I have not really been okay which explains my absence here on the blog. This year has been a lot on me but my trust remains in God and I know that everything will be okay. Yeah, so I took a halt on my blog and podcast for the majority of January and I recently came back at the end of January. I honestly do not want to give up, so here I am fighting to keep going despite everything I am going through.

I have had a lot of bad days this year and it has been very not nice because whenever I go through that kind of day, I really don’t want to get out of bed and I just want to sit alone in a dark room. It’s not nice at all but I am fighting and trying to keep my head up high and to keep being positive; it has not been easy but I just have to keep fighting for myself, you know. That’s the life update:))

Podcast Re-branding

Alright, about my podcast re-branding that I told you all about some time ago, it’s been a mess. Due to all I am going through, I honestly took a halt there too. Although most of the work has already been done, I still have to catch up all the posts from the old Instagram page on the new Instagram page and that really is all that is left. This is not even hard to do, I have just not been able to get myself to do it but I will take it one thing at a time, and by the end of February, hopefully I will be done.

By the way, if you do not already know about this, I have a podcast called, “Talkative and Christian”. It is a podcast that is majorly about self-improvement, raising awareness on different controversial issues, and faith(Christianity). If you are interested, you can go to anchor.fm/talkativeandchristian. Thank you!

YouTube channel

I have a YouTube channel! It’s called “Barakat Jay” on YouTube. You can go check out my YouTube channel if you would like and while you are there, please subscribe and watch the videos. Thank you!

This is something I am really excited about and I hope it really works out amazingly well:))

Well, that is all for today’s post. I just wanted to update you all and get back on here to start writing again. As always, thank you for your support, I really appreciate it.

You can leave a comment, introducing yourself to me! I want to know more about my readers! Also, tell me how you are really doing in the comments.

I will see you all later! Byee!!

Don’t forget that God loves you forever and that you are never alone:))