I am soo stuck, tired, and exhausted..| Midnight struggles..

Hi y’all! How are you doing? I really hope you are doing alright:) If you really are not doing okay right now or you feel so lost and tired, I just want to tell you to please try to keep your head up! Sometimes, life just doesn’t feel great but I want you to tryyyy and keep moving and just please remember that no matter what’s happening to you currently, you will be fine eventually; even when it doesn’t feel like you’ll be fine, you’ll be, I promise and that’s because God says so! Please keep going🤍

So how am I doing? I guess from the title, you already kinda know how I am doing. Yeah, life is not going so great for me right now. I am just so all over, everywhere and I honestly don’t know how I really feel. I guess I just kinda feel lost somewhat but I am living. I am really trying to keep my head up and I am just going because I know that God definitely got me, so I will be alright!

Alright, let’s move onnn..

You know, today I was just thinking of how people see me from the outside. From what people tell me, and have told me, people see me as “perfect” from the outside. Like they think I am so hardworking, smart, intelligent, diligent, focused, and many more good stuff. This just feels so freaking weird because it’s like whyyyyyy and howwwwww? I literally don’t get it. Like, why do they think I am that person..

Honestly, I just lied to y’all! I actually get it. I get why they view me as that kind of person; it’s because that’s how I project myself to the outside world.

“Heyyy, pause a minute! I am smart, intelligent, and so much more! Just wanted to get that straight!”

As I was saying, I mean, I don’t want people to see the ugly and dirty because just like every human, I guess I am scared of vulnerability. I don’t just want to expose myself to everyone, you know. I don’t want them to see the person behind all the “perfection” or “inspiration” they all see. I don’t want to open myself, I’d rather be in secret- this is not a good habit, by the way.

I have realized that we all do this. Literally everyone! We don’t like showing people the vulnerable parts of us and believe it or not but this is mostly because of fear. We are really scared of different things and this fear we have holds us back whenever we want to show people that we are also struggling. I don’t even know whether to call this normal because it’s not normal, it’s just what we have turned to normal. This is the reality, y’all:(

For real, I am not doing alright. I have been so tired, so lost, and just so done. There, I said it! I just broke my fear of vulnerability(woww moment!!!!) Anyway, I have just been thinking about the future a lot; my future actually and things are not going so well in my head right now. The funny thing is that, I don’t even know the source of my tiredness and exhaustion, I just don’t even know..

You know that feeling of not knowing how you feel, that’s kinda me right now.. Also, when I was planning to write this post, I was so gingered because I knew what I was going to write but I started writing and everything just flew away from head. So, I am not even sure if this blogpost makes any sense at all but hopefully it does.


One more thing.. Although, I am feeling like this, I am really really trying to keep holding onto God because I know that no matter what, He’s got my back and will always do because He is a great God. God is so good, y’all. Like every time I just feel so down, God tells me that I should remember that He says in His Word that He’s got me forever. Fam, God is so amazing! No matter what you are going through right now, please remember that God promised to never leave his beloved(YOU) alone, so He is with you always and you have to always remember that!

Before I go, I need to share this Bible verse with y’all.

Isiah 41 vs 10, says, “So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”

Please always remember that verse and always read it to yourself every time so that it really sinks in. God loves you!! That’s all for today!

Remember, our help comes from God! So, no matter what you’re going through, you’ll be okay!

Um, also I have kinda been struggling with consistency, hence why I have not been posting regularly but I am working to get back on my grind. Thank you still for always reading. God bless you!

Love you all always🤗🤗

The silent whimpers and the deafening prayers of my motherland.. |Africa is bleeding..

Hi y’all! How’re you doing?? I hope you’re taking care of yourself?? I hope you’re keeping up with your mental health?? I hope you’re being kind to your health and to yourself??

Hmm. For me, too much has being going on. It’s a lot of crazyyyy stuff but like I always say, God is in control and He’s definitely not asleep. Today’s post is a very real post and I wrote this from the depths of the little left of my heart. Let’s just dive in!

Africa is going through so much right now. Well, not exactly every African country but a lot of countries are really going through it right now. So many people are dying and they are being treated like dangerous and wild animals. People are being shot like animals being shot for sport. People are leaving their homes and they are not returning home. People are saying farewell not knowing that it’s their last. People are crying and they are bleeding, metaphorically and literally.

If you don’t know what’s going on

There are thousands of very brave, strong, and courageous people going out to protest. There are people risking their lives to contribute to the betterment of Africa. There are also people doing their bit on social media, trying to spread awareness and use their voices to spread the news, to loud our cries. Everyone is doing their part in this fight to improve the quality of life of Africans.

Honestly, it’s very infuriating that we are still fighting for our lives and our sanity in the year, 2020. More than 30 years after the independence of many African countries. Now, I better understand when people say that, “it’s not how far but how well”.

The whole craze of the way the government rules in most African countries is already being shown all over the world. With so many people from international countries lending their voices and their platforms to this fight. We all now realize that it’s no longer Africans’ fight but it’s all our fight. Really, what joy exactly is living if more than half of humanity are struggling to survive?? What joy is life if more than half of humanity don’t know what it’s like to live a life where you don’t have to keep a gun or a weapon by your bedside every night?

Like every wise person has said, “we can achieve so much more when we work together”. For everyone who is not African, this is now your fight. You really shouldn’t sit comfortably in your homes knowing that your brothers and sisters that life has given you are dying. Though, you have to keep up with your mental health and take breaks when you need, you can’t keep being mute. Please you can’t! If you keep being mute, what people would you have when you need to show diversity? What people would you use to prove that you’re not racist?? What people would you use to show that you’re nice and that you do charity work a lot?? The reality of most whites or non-Africans is being challenged here and I’m sorry to trigger you but we have to accept the harshness of reality.

We always say that life is very unfair but should you really say that when life has become a matter of living or dying. Get up and talk! Speak and let our voices rise up to the heavens. Let our hearts sing to the heavens. Let’s stop whimpering and let’s start screaming. Let’s amplify our voices because together we are one. Let our prayers not cease and let it continue to ring out loud.

I think it’s very important for me to mention here, that we shouldn’t be attacking people for not talking about everything that’s going on(on that note, I really hope no one feels attacked by the previous paragraphs, it’s all unfiltered truth). For some people, all of these stuff is really really hard to process and some other people also have some sort of trauma they’re already dealing with. We don’t know everyone’s situation, so please be very kind with your words and actions. All I’m saying is that if you can, use your voice because every voice is needed.

Moving on, the harshness of our reality extends to the acceptance of people who are very care-free about the deaths of thousands. Those who turn blind eye to the sore image of a person’s brain scattered all over the floor. Those who are in positions of power sitting comfortably in their homes watching the havoc they caused by themselves. Those who insist that this fight is not their fight. Yes, it is very angering and frustrating but we need to accept it. We need not close our eyes, close our hearts, and let curses ring from the bottom of our souls. We need not take judgment into our own hands. Instead, let God do the judging and punishing, let’s just sit back and watch the evil ones get repaid with the actions they took stupidly. Let’s keep talking but close our eyes and walk past the evil and corrupt ones. Let’s keep being peaceful in our fight and let’s work on amplifying our voices.

This is the beginning of a new era. Although it’s heartbreaking that many heroes had to surrender their lives for this fight, I can smell victory because it’s not far away. Let’s rest for today and get back on our toes tomorrow. Let’s refill ourselves today and let’s get ready to be drained tomorrow. This fight has started because God has a reason for everything. This time, victory is definitely ours.

Lest I forget, mental health is still extremely important. From experience, I know how draining all of this can be. I know how tiring it can be. So please please, even though things aren’t really looking great currently, still pay close attention to your mental health. Also, try to stay away from social media some days because the news on there can be extremely overwhelming. Please make sure that you don’t lose yourself amidst all that’s happening. Please, I beg of you, take care of yourself. Please Please!

A quick prayer shared with me by someone during a prayer meeting I hosted. Father Lord, arise and fight for your people in Jesus name. Amen! Bye y’all 🤗🤗

A Bible verse to keep you going!

Love you all always❤️❤️