Sometimes, I feel so scared and guilty to be happy and you might feel it too..

hi y’all! How are you doing? I really hope you’re doing okay! If you are not, please don’t stop trusting in God and please keep trying to keep your head up high. Everything will be okay very soon and you will feel amazing very soon; keep being patient and keep trusting God:)

How am I doing? I am doing okay! I have a ton of assignments to do but I feel great anyway. I have been watching a lot of YouTube as well. Okkie, that’s all about me:)

Let’s move into today’s topic; it’s a very interesting one..

I just had an incident in the train, where I was playing a game on my mum’s phone with my sister. We were playing the “Word Search” game and we were trying to find all the words on time. It got to one word that I found but she decided to lie and say that she found it; anyway, fast forward to the end of the story, we were both trying to see who would click the word first and we burst in laughter, playing and smiling. Then and there, it did not feel like anything, I was just trying to be the first one to hit the word.

When I got to the house, after a while, I started thinking about it and I was just feeling very bad about it. I was thinking of the other people in the train and how they might have felt about it, seeing two people all smiley and playing together. I was thinking that what if there was someone in that train who had a very bad relationship with their sibling or lost a sibling or even didn’t have any sibling. I was just thinking of all these and I felt very guilty. I felt so guilty to be”happy” and to just even smile in public.

Tell you what, this is not the first time this has happened to me. I always feel so scared to smile in public or to even show a bit of happiness in public because I am constantly thinking of the people who have it so bad in their lives; the people who can’t even smile and feel like they don’t have a reason to smile. I think about it all the time and then I feel so so guilty.

I know it isn’t just me who feels this and experiences this because TikTok has taught me that whatever you are feeling or going through, someone else has gone through it or is going through it. So yeah, I know I am not alone on this, so I decided to write about it here on this blog.

Honestly, I have just a piece of advice for anyone who feels this and myself too.

You cannot make everyone happy and everyone probably wouldn’t be happy. You can do your best and be kind to everyone and try to bring smiles to peoples’ faces but you really cannot control everyone’s happiness. So, you need to stop feeling guilty for being happy; your happiness is a big deal and it’s beautiful. Stop feeling scared to be happy just because there are people out there who are not happy. Stop it and be happy, go after your happiness and smile often because it’s great.

Smile, celebrate yourself, your family, your friends because we don’t really know when we are going to die. So, be happy and chase after your happiness in a godly manner.

For the sad people out there in the world, who are going through IT, pray for them always. Pray for them and talk to God about them. Pray that they find happiness too. Pray that they smile one day, and keep smiling.

Also, try your best to be kind to everyone! While you cannot control everyone’s happiness, you can always bring a smile to one or two peoples’ faces. So, don’t be mean! Be kind always and show love to everyone!

Remember, being happy is not something to feel guilty about! Your happiness is important and it’s a big deal.

That’s all for today y’all.

thank you for reading!!

Please feel free to leave a comment sharing your experiences or just say something nice!

Photo by Sid Ali on

Enjoy this lovely photo of London!

bye y’all!

*don’t forget that God loves you forever and don’t forget to always be kind.

I am soo stuck, tired, and exhausted..| Midnight struggles..

Hi y’all! How are you doing? I really hope you are doing alright:) If you really are not doing okay right now or you feel so lost and tired, I just want to tell you to please try to keep your head up! Sometimes, life just doesn’t feel great but I want you to tryyyy and keep moving and just please remember that no matter what’s happening to you currently, you will be fine eventually; even when it doesn’t feel like you’ll be fine, you’ll be, I promise and that’s because God says so! Please keep going🤍

So how am I doing? I guess from the title, you already kinda know how I am doing. Yeah, life is not going so great for me right now. I am just so all over, everywhere and I honestly don’t know how I really feel. I guess I just kinda feel lost somewhat but I am living. I am really trying to keep my head up and I am just going because I know that God definitely got me, so I will be alright!

Alright, let’s move onnn..

You know, today I was just thinking of how people see me from the outside. From what people tell me, and have told me, people see me as “perfect” from the outside. Like they think I am so hardworking, smart, intelligent, diligent, focused, and many more good stuff. This just feels so freaking weird because it’s like whyyyyyy and howwwwww? I literally don’t get it. Like, why do they think I am that person..

Honestly, I just lied to y’all! I actually get it. I get why they view me as that kind of person; it’s because that’s how I project myself to the outside world.

Heyyy, pause a minute! I am smart, intelligent, and so much more! Just wanted to get that straight!”

As I was saying, I mean, I don’t want people to see the ugly and dirty because just like every human, I guess I am scared of vulnerability. I don’t just want to expose myself to everyone, you know. I don’t want them to see the person behind all the “perfection” or “inspiration” they all see. I don’t want to open myself, I’d rather be in secret- this is not a good habit, by the way.

I have realized that we all do this. Literally everyone! We don’t like showing people the vulnerable parts of us and believe it or not but this is mostly because of fear. We are really scared of different things and this fear we have holds us back whenever we want to show people that we are also struggling. I don’t even know whether to call this normal because it’s not normal, it’s just what we have turned to normal. This is the reality, y’all:(

For real, I am not doing alright. I have been so tired, so lost, and just so done. There, I said it! I just broke my fear of vulnerability(woww moment!!!!) Anyway, I have just been thinking about the future a lot; my future actually and things are not going so well in my head right now. The funny thing is that, I don’t even know the source of my tiredness and exhaustion, I just don’t even know..

You know that feeling of not knowing how you feel, that’s kinda me right now.. Also, when I was planning to write this post, I was so gingered because I knew what I was going to write but I started writing and everything just flew away from head. So, I am not even sure if this blogpost makes any sense at all but hopefully it does.

One more thing.. Although, I am feeling like this, I am really really trying to keep holding onto God because I know that no matter what, He’s got my back and will always do because He is a great God. God is so good, y’all. Like every time I just feel so down, God tells me that I should remember that He says in His Word that He’s got me forever. Fam, God is so amazing! No matter what you are going through right now, please remember that God promised to never leave his beloved(YOU) alone, so He is with you always and you have to always remember that!

Before I go, I need to share this Bible verse with y’all.

Isiah 41 vs 10, says, “So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”

Please always remember that verse and always read it to yourself every time so that it really sinks in. God loves you!! That’s all for today!

Remember, our help comes from God! So, no matter what you’re going through, you’ll be okay!

Um, also I have kinda been struggling with consistency, hence why I have not been posting regularly but I am working to get back on my grind. Thank you still for always reading. God bless you!

Love you all always🤗🤗