The feeling of not knowing what to feel and the feeling of isolation altogether..

Hi y’all! Happy Thanksgiving! How are you doing? I really hope you are still fighting for yourself and you are trying your best to keep your head high up despite whatever you are currently going through in life. Remember, I am always here for you to talk to:)

So, how am I doing? I honestly don’t know how I feel; I know I am just living. Although, there is this part of me that’s bursting with positive energy and the feeling of excitement all because of God’s goodness. Other than that, I honestly just don’t know how I feel and what to feel; I kinda feel just so blank. Don’t worry, I am okay though, I promise. I’ll always be okay:)

Alright, let’s move on..

Okay, so I just finished watching a show(don’t ask me for the name). It was a rude awakening really and I think it’s the reason why I suddenly feel so blank. You know, my head is full of just so many thoughts, things I want to say but that feeling of blankness is still so obvious and it’s just there. This show just really moved me and I feel stuck in the reality that the show has pushed me into.

I am not going to explain what the show is about here, I am just going to tell y’all some things that the show told me and some things I got from it. Maybe, I’ll also be able to explain why I am in this state of not knowing what to feel(just maybe).

One big thing that the show speaks on is isolation. I truly believe that when most of us hear about isolation, we think of cases of people like Genie but isolation doesn’t have to be severe for it to be present. I feel like a lot of people in this world, although they have friends, and families, are suffering from their own type of isolation. Somehow, most of us just don’t feel like we have people around us and we just feel so isolated from the world around us. We can see the people around us but we can’t feel them. We feel stuck in this big bubble that can’t fit anyone else except us. We feel lost despite being surrounded by a crowd. We feel faraway, disconnected from the reality of people around us. We can’t seem to acknowledge this people who are around us. We truly feel stuck in our own little bubble that no one else can get into or maybe no one has tried to get into..

For some of us, it might seem like we are very big extroverts but the truth is that we really don’t know how to properly interact with the world around us. We feel away(gone) and we feel like no one is looking after us. We feel like no one can truly see us; we feel like people are around but are not truly there with us. So Yes, the feeling of isolation is real and many of us experience it, although most of us don’t acknowledge it, for whatever reason. Most of us do feel like this little unwanted pea amongst a field of big crops. We feel left out and not seen. You know, sometimes our feeling of isolation can be seen or perceived as a product of our imagination but you honestly can’t blame people(well, the ones who think like that) because sometimes we might just be too shallow to see beneath the surface. It’s sad but it’s reality..

Another thing that the show speaks on is not knowing how we feel; not being able to express our emotions. I think this is exactly what I am feeling right now; maybe I unconsciously got too deeply affected by the show. Anyway, the feeling of not knowing what we feel and how we feel is truly real.

Sometimes, we just don’t know.. You know, I feel like this can be caused by so many things. Maybe you’ve felt too much and now this feeling of blankness has been cast on you. Maybe you’ve been hurt too much and now your mind is just blank. Or maybe you just cannot explain it, I don’t know honestly because I have not got all the answers. All I just know is that this can truly happen to you and it doesn’t mean you are weird, you are just human; I think by now we should all have realized that being human is very complex.

If you are experiencing this feeling right now, I honestly don’t know what to tell you because I am also feeling it. I’ll just say that don’t let it stop you from moving. Don’t let it tie you up, you can still keep going but if you feel like you truly need a break, then go for it. Keep moving but realize that you are allowed to stop for a break sometimes. Don’t worry, you’ve got this! We are all going to be fine..

A quick photo break because I feel like it truly embodies today’s post!
Photo by Pat Whelen on Pexels.com

You know, when I started writing this post, I didn’t know what direction it was going to go but if you are reading this, that means you read it to the end. I hope you got what I was trying to say because you know, sometimes my thoughts are all jumbled up..

Anyway, don’t forget to keep fighting and I promise you because God is a good God, you’ll be okay. You can leave a comment if you relate or if you have any thoughts or questions. I really love reading comments and replying to them. God bless! Bye y’all:)

This is a picture I took and edited that I just want y’all to see🙃😌
p.s.it’s just an ordinary watch oo

Love you all always🤗🤗

These blurred lines..(a poem)

Even after washing and rinsing this thing I call a face,

My eyes still don’t see the clarity I want them to see

The lines are not straight and my head aches

I’m not used to uncertainty or this feeling of not knowing what’s next

After cleaning my glasses and wearing them over and over again

My eyes still don’t see the lucidity I want them to see

And I’m too tired to keep holding on if all I’m going to see are blurred lines

My strength is fading off day by day like the blurriness of those lines

All I can now see are faded strength, dwindled vision, and lest I forget, blurred lines..


Hi y’all, I’m going to start sharing my poems on here as well.. I hope you’re well🙃🤍 Bye!

I just found this random photo on the free WordPress photo library. I think it somewhat embodies what this poem means..

Love you all always 🤗🤗

If death is inevitable, then why are we so scared of it??..

Hi people! How’re you?! I really hope you’re taking care of yourself and you’re being kind to yourself despite whatever you’re going through in your life. I really hope so..

So, how’s Bee doing? She’s fine. She’s still so busy with school and some different extracurricular activities. Despite it all, God is still taking care of her and He’s still being so good to her; so she’s thriving.

Okay, okay, let’s start with today’s post already!

First let me define inevitable for you. According to the Oxford Dictionary, inevitable means “certain to happen; unavoidable.” I think this is pretty clear, right..

So, death is unavoidable. We cannot avoid death because at some point in our lives, we will die. We would leave Earth and we will be gone away from here.

The question now is that if death cannot be avoided, then why are we so so scared of it??

I really think that we humans put so much effort into building our lives here on Earth, that the topic of death becomes noise to our ears that hate noise. We spend our whole life chasing the bag and trying to build a good life for ourselves here on Earth. Due to the amount of time we use to chase after a good life, we don’t want our efforts to be wasted. We don’t want to just disappear from here and leave behind all we have worked so hard for.

Or we can look at it from another perspective. Maybe people are so scared of dying because they are enjoying life too much. We are diehard fans of enjoyment that feel like our lives would be empty without all the fun and good stuff of life. We just don’t want to be gone and miss out on all the fun. We want to remain here on Earth and keep enjoying and keep exploring all that Earth has to offer. We don’t want to leave the good life..

Actually, there’s another perspective.. Maybe we are so scared of dying because of all the relationships that we’ve either built or just gotten roped in here on Earth. We don’t want our loved ones to experience the feeling of loss, and to get bitten by the blood-sucking fangs of pain. We want to stay here forever with the people we love because they just mean too much to us and we also mean too much to them. Yeah, love and relationships are reasonable reasons to not want to get off Earth.

There are honestly too many perspectives to look at it from, and no matter what kind or how many perspectives you look at it from, on Earth, there are people who want to die so bad and people who want to stay alive so bad. I feel like as a society, we don’t acknowledge enough the people of this society who think that getting off Earth is the best thing they can do for themselves. I mean I get it because it’s not so easy to see deep into everyone’s minds and see exactly why they think the way they think. Hmm

Dying is viewed as a sacred topic in our society but when people intentionally die, is it still something sacred?! Death is a topic that we should really address more often because if it was talked about more often, then maybe, just maybe the suicide rate would go down by a lot. A lot of us fail to realize that death can be an option or a choice, and that’s where most of us are faulty. We treat people badly, we say mean stuff to them, we are not kind, we don’t help if we have the ability to, and all of these things just highlight the fact that death can be an option or a choice. Somebody can choose to die because of how people treat them, and this is one of the biggest reasons why some people choose death.

Some people don’t see death as inevitable, they see it as a friend they can call on anytime. I know it’s really really sad but it’s true. So much stuff go on in our heads and minds and these stuff can drive us crazy and make us see death as a choice rather than something that we can’t avoid as humans. It’s a very complex topic..

Okay, so I am afraid of death?? I don’t think I am, really; I believe that anything that happens is God’s will. So, there’s really nothing to be scared of, for me, because I know it can happen anytime whenever God thinks it’s right . Maybe I also feel this way because I don’t have very deep relationships yet but I don’t know.

In all, death is a topic that we, as a society need to acknowledge more but please don’t let death or the fear of death or the thought of death stop you from living your life, and chasing your dreams, of course in a pure and godly manner.

Although, death is inevitable, it is totally understandable and human to be very scared of it.. I just pray that God will continue to keep us all safe and keep protecting us in Jesus name. Amen!

You can leave a comment if you want; maybe you have a question or just a thought. Bye!

I just really like and appreciate this photo..bye people 🙃

Love you all always 🤗🤗

Does absence make the heart grow fonder or does it make the heart more distant??..

Currently I’m a little bit sleepy and so so cold but I had to write this post for today. I didn’t post at all last week and I felt so bad. Yeah.. Don’t worry, I’m writing a post explaining why I didn’t post soon.🙃🤍

Me right now😆

Let’s move on now..

Hi y’all:) How are you doing?? I really hope you are doing fine.. If you’re not, I pray that you get better very soon by God’s grace!

So, for me, how am I doing?? Honestly, I am good, although I have been pretty busy. I’ve been busy with school, and many different activities. I can’t complain though because I chose to do all those activities. Anyway, let’s get into what today’s post is about..

So, I was about 11 years old when I first heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, and I didn’t read much into it then. I learned that what this phrase basically means is that when you leave someone for some time or someone leaves you for some time or even forever, their absence makes you think about them more; hence, why the heart is growing fonder because you’re realizing how much you like them more and all. Honestly, I truly can’t believe I was given this lie and I gladly swallowed it down my throat.

Okay okay, I know I’m exaggerating when I call it a lie because it’s not totally false; it just seems like something your parents will tell you because they don’t want you to find the whole truth about something. I guess we can call it a form of deceit on its own. Yeah sadly..

As I grew up and moved away from my “friends” in Nigeria, that phrase became very questionable. This is because absence didn’t make my own heart grow fonder, it made it more distant. Yes, really!

After being away from the people I grew up with since I was very little for a little over 3 years, I realized that my heart didn’t grow any fonder, it actually grew distant. Our relationship was breaking apart piece by piece because of that absence and now, when I have conversations with this people, it feels like we are strangers to each other. I don’t know, maybe it’s the type of person that I am that’s causing my own absence to cause distance.

I feel like I’ve grown into this type of person that loves to be alone and maybe just maybe, this is what is making my heart grow distant. Let’s be clear, this isn’t just me with one person, it’s me with every person I left in Nigeria; our relationship has just been severed brutally and it just keeps me up at night wondering why as kids, we are never really told the whole truth of the matter.

Maybe our parents and teachers are scared of us being hurt as kids and that’s why they feed us with “absence makes the heart grow fonder”; they don’t want us to be exposed to the harsh reality of the world from a young age. Honestly, I get it but the thing is that whatever we don’t learn when we are little just comes back in the future when we are all grown up and then we have to figure it out ourselves and maybe with the help of other people. My point is just that, kids shouldn’t be lied to, don’t tell them that absence will make the heart grow fonder and fail to tell them that absence can also make the heart grow distant.

I know you can be reading this post and be shaking your head, disagreeing so strongly but just remember that it’s all perspective. I view the world more deeply(you should know this if you didn’t already know).

Anyway, that’s all for today! Don’t forget to leave a comment if you want to share your thoughts and opinions; also leave a comment if you have any questions. Bye y’all🤗

I saw this picture and I loved it immediately. I hope it brings you calmness like it did me.

Love you all always🤗🤗

Where do I really want to be| my “obsession” with Lagos?

Hi y’all! How’re you doing? I really hope y’all are doing fine. For me, I’m okay, really. I’m just living, you know. It’s thanksgiving season though and there’s so much to be thankful for, all thanks to God. Alright, let’s move on..

So just one word, LAGOS!! Man, I can almost say that I’m in love with Nigeria, Lagos especially. Honestly, I have been looked at somehow and I’ve been abused/ridiculed because of how much I love Lagos or let’s just say Nigeria. People call me stupid and weird because I tell them that I’d rather be in Nigeria than be in America. They say that I’m not appreciative and that I don’t know a good thing. Well, I’m not really offended or bothered because I totally understand where they’re coming from.

You know, America is supposed to be our dream and our goal that we are supposed to work so freaking hard to achieve. This is really a backward way of thinking if you’d ask me. A lot of people don’t appreciate the country that they’re born into because it’s not America. Before anybody comes for me, yes I know that America might seem better than our home country but really, it’s all the same. America is just better packaged.

It’s really sad that people almost worship and glorify America. You see people that literally don’t try and work hard in the country that they are born in because they think America is really where they are supposed to be. Another disclaimer here, Yes, I know that there are a lot of people work so so hard in their home country but their efforts are always wasted because of how damaged their country is but you don’t stop trying though. Keep trying and keep doing your best and the Lord will bless the work of your hands. Amen!

Honestly, there’s really nothing special about America, we’ve just been made to believe that. Yes, I know America is nice and it’s full of “opportunities” but have you tried exploring where you are to discover the opportunities available to you there?? See, there are opportunities in every country, you just have to be wise with it and don’t give up; you have to keep searching. The thing is that a lot of people sef don’t try to make do with what they have and use it to their advantage. For real!

I never knew that some things were possible or even available in Nigeria because I never searched or even tried to explore my surroundings for different opportunities. I was always so jealous of Americans because I didn’t know that I could do so many things there in Nigeria. Nigeria is full of different people doing different amazing things, so just search and do your research and I know you’ll find something. This is not only for Nigeria though, it’s for everywhere. Opportunities are all around you, you just need to snatch them one by one!

Alright, let’s get back to Lagos now. Lagos is a really really amazing place. It’s really sad how people tend to focus on all the negative parts of a place to even know that they’re a lot of positive parts to that place. Yes, believe it or not, even though Lagos has a ton of negative parts, there are still a ton of positive parts. Before I go on about Lagos, let me show y’all some pictures. These pictures are why people hate on me when I say that I want to move to Lagos.

Image number one. This is Makoko, a town built on water. I guess I put this picture because one of the reasons why people attack me is because they say the living conditions in Lagos are not the best. Yeah yeah but Lagos also has some of the best architectural buildings in Africa.
Image number two. Just focus on how much people there are in this photo; overpopulation is also why people attack me for liking Lagos. Lagos just like New York is overpopulated..

Let’s continue.. So, people don’t like Lagos because firstly, it’s not America🙄; secondly, it’s overcrowded; thirdly, it’s stressful and overwhelming. I understand that all of these are valid reasons, well except the first one. Lagos is overpopulated and there are so many different kinds of people there but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad place. Also, Lagos life can be stressful and overwhelming because everyone in Lagos is looking for ways to make a living. Nigeria is the poverty capital of the world and most of these people are in Lagos. They’re in Lagos because Lagos is the place where a lot of opportunities are. People go to Lagos to make a life for themselves and all, so there are different types of people there. Man, if you’re not wise, you really can’t live in Lagos o because you’ll become so frustrated but let’s just leave that aside for now(I’ll talk about this in another post..).

So why am I so interested in Lagos? Why is Lagos where I really want to be? To me, Lagos is a source of motivation and Lagos is very inspiring. People intrigue me, so where’s the best place for people-watching if not Lagos. I just have this feeling inside of me that Lagos is where I would truly feel peace; like it’s where I’m supposed to be. I’m really not moved by America and all it’s fancy stuff; it’s nice but I really feel like I don’t belong here. Also, I really love the life in Lagos, the hustle and bustle, the persistence and zeal of the people, the beauty of the city that never sleeps. By the way, Lagos really means a lot to me. So, no Lagos slander is accepted on this blog. Also, I won’t say that I’m obsessed with Lagos, I’m just intrigued and fascinated by it.

That’s all for today y’all. Where is that place you really want to be? Where is that country, city, or state that you want to live in and you know that you would be at peace there? Let me know in the comments!

.p.s. I might end up not moving to Lagos but move to Ibadan instead . I don’t know yet sha..

Life isn’t always about winning | learn to accept your failures..

Hi y’all!! How’re you doing ? I really hope you’re fine. If you’re not, please remember that there’s always light at the end of a tunnel. Also, you can reach out to me and we’ll talk about it🤗

Alright, so how am I doing? I’m doing really okay, although I’m a little bit frustrated because my “girlfriend” is going through so much stuff right now and she’s not letting me in. I totally understand but I can’t help my worrying. Okay okay, TMI already, let’s get into today’s post.

So, today I just want to motivate you and provide you with comfort. So hopefully after reading today’s post, you feel motivated, gingered, and comforted.

So, one thing about so many people(maybe all of us) is that we expect to win at everything all the time. Not gonna lie, this used to be me before but I’ve learned now and I want y’all to learn as well. I’m sure you’ve heard that life’s all about ups and downs so many times before. Yeah but we don’t acknowledge it. We fail to understand that life was not designed for us to be winners all the time. In fact, life was designed for us to fail so many times. Believe or not, it’s so true🙃

From every failure comes a lesson. It’s now up to us to acknowledge it. Don’t get me wrong, please always be optimistic and be very positive in every situation but you still need to always prepare yourself for the worst and that’s where we all fail at. We forget that we’re not always winners and that’s completely okay. No matter what kind of life you live, you’ll have good times and bad times. We really all need to do better with acknowledging this.

Don’t blind your eyes and ignore the fact that something won’t always go as you expect. There are sometimes when we are extremely positive and we have so much faith in God and things will still go wrong. Trust me, this is God telling you that it’s not yet time, Him telling you that keep trusting me, I have a plan. Yes, God wants you to win always but God will also throw some failures in your way because He knows His plans for you and God knows best!

A lot of us are always so devastated when we experience failures and this is because we don’t prepare ourselves for it. See, once you accept and acknowledge the fact that life isn’t all about winning, you gain more insight into God’s plan for your life and you also react better to failure(s). Sometimes failure comes and it destroys us all because we aren’t prepared for it. When you are prepared to accept failure, because it’s a part of life, the damage of the failure won’t really affect you that much. Yes, it’s true.

Moral of my story is that we should all learn to accept the fact that we will experience some failures in this life and honestly these failures might not be representative of you as a person, they might be all part of God’s plans for your life. Experiencing failure doesn’t mean you’re a failure yourself, it just means that you’re human. What you now do is learn from that failure and let it motivate you and push you to always try to be the best version of yourself:)

One more thing, sometimes we plan and prepare so much for an amazing outcome but we are greeted with failure. This feeling has got to be one of the worst things in the world. Yea!! but don’t let your failure determine who you are and what you’re worth. Learn to accept that not every time would you be met with a good outcome. Once you learn to accept that failures are a part of life, you would be a stronger person with a growth mindset and you’ll be blessed with strength to face your worst days and all the bad outcomes of your life.

Whenever you face failures, always be very kind to yourself. Your failure doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Please still treat yourself with kindness, no matter what!!

So, someone said this to me , “But you know uncertainties still confront you even when you try to believe God can surpass your fears” Yes, those failures will bring you down and break you down, and it’s completely okay to grieve and even break down but that’s where FAITH comes in. This is where your faith is tested and it’s where your faith in God has to be very strong. So on days when your failures or uncertainties drag you down, your faith will drag you back up. That’s the amazing thing about living a life with God. He gives you strength when you’re weak and He fills you with hope. God is good y’all!!

That’s it for today. I hope you were comforted and motivated. I also pray that God will fill you with hope and give you strength to face any failures and the grace to get back up from your failures in Jesus name. Amen!!

Hey, don’t forget to leave a comment letting me know your own thoughts and opinions on today’s post. If you also have any questions, let me know in the comments.

Love you all always🤗🤗

.p.s.I’m not lesbian or bisexual, she’s my very close friend, who I call girl friend.

..also, TMI means too much information..

Book review on “Americanah” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Hi! Hello!

The book “Americanah” is one of my favorite books(I have read it twice now). There is just so much in it and there is a lot to learn from it.

So, what is this book about? This book is about Ifemelu and Obinze who fell in love at a very young age. However, there was a university strike when they were in university, so Ifemelu traveled abroad to America to get a better education and finish school. Obinze could not go with her and that’s where their love gets cut off because when Ifemelu got to America, she walked straight into the problems and struggles of being black and being an immigrant in America. Obinze hoped to join her in America but he was denied visa a couple of times and he went to England instead where he lived a “dangerous” life of an undocumented black man in England. The book is just really about their love story and all they faced in their love journey.

Just to let y’all know, this is not your basic romance story, it’s a lot more more detailed and deep.

First of all, it is really interesting how Chimamanda uses this book to educate people as well as also entertain them. This book is a fiction book but as you’re reading, you would even forget that it is fiction. This is because this book speaks to a lot of social vices. It touches on several racial stereotypes, immigration(the glorification of America by non-Americans), and it also touches on a lot more topics. To put it in sociology terms, this book has both latent and manifest function. The manifest function is to entertain us with the love story of Ifemelu and Obinze but in between lines, we see the latent function; this book educates us on so many stereotypes and faults in our society. Opening our eyes to the reality of being a black immigrant in America and England and just educating us on a lot of misconceptions that people have.

I’m somebody who likes to hear other people speak about and challenge social vices and the society-formulated way of thinking. That’s exactly what Chimamanda does in this book. So, if you are like me, you’ll really love this book. Really, this book is evidence that learning is not always boring. It also proves that you don’t always have to be in a classroom to learn. I think this book also proves the importance and benefits of reading because it helps you understand that the more you read, the more you learn and gain wisdom.

Another amazing thing about this book is that I love how as I was reading, the characters came alive. It didn’t feel like I was reading anymore, it felt like I was there with them. The story steals you and puts you in it because it’s so interesting that you would become so invested in it. Also, each character(both the major and minor characters) served the purpose they were supposed to serve. They made me laugh, yet they made me think and rethink.

In all, if you’re somebody who likes Chinua Achebe’s books but you find it hard to understand them and difficult to follow the story how it goes, then you need to read Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. This book helps you to understand a lot of things in an easy way. The story is easy to follow and understand. Just like every other Chimamanda’s book, when you start reading this book, you won’t be able to drop it till you finish reading it.

By the way, this book has different kinds of cover design.

So, I rate this book a 5/5. If you’ve not yet read this book, you need to add it to your reading list now. If you’ve read this book, tell me your thoughts about it in the comment. If you also have any questions, just comment it. That’s all for today. Bye y’all 🤗✨

Wait, wait.. okay so, if you want to read a free version of this book online, you can go to z-lib.org to do that. If you don’t already have an account on there, you will need to create an account. Okay, bye now:)

p.s.all the photos used in this post were gotten from google..