Hi y’all! How are you doing? How has your week been so far? For me, I have been really stressed and some things aren’t really going well. I have a lot of things going well but there are still a lot of things not going well. Anyway, my trust remains in God. Tribulations will come but because I have God, I shouldn’t fear because He has overcome the world for me. God is good y’all. By the way, today’s post is me being very real and very honest. Let’s just get into it.
Friendship has always been a struggle for me. Well, it didn’t start being a struggle until I moved to America; that’s when it all changed. To be honest, moving to America is one thing that has really really affected my life till now. My life just turned around, both in good and bad ways- you can read about it in my blogpost “What I went through moving from Nigeria to America”.
After I first moved to America, I became a very very shy person who has lost all her confidence. America is so different because it’s not only black people here, it’s a combination of all types of people. I was not used to that; I was used to being surrounded by black people and I wasn’t even aware of my blackness. To cut the long story short, the school I first attended when I got to America didn’t have a lot of black kids and the area I live in is a white-dominated area. It was really difficult for me to be myself because I just couldn’t relate to the people around me.
Since I lost my confidence, it was really really hard for me to make friends, infact I didn’t make any friends. I was alone and even though, it made me feel really somehow, I was comforted because I always thought that I had friends in Nigeria. The “friends in Nigeria” thing is like another story of its own. I’ll just tell y’all the summary of it.
I just realized that there are really no friends in Nigeria anywhere. Although I had a lot of friends in Nigeria when I was still there, I didn’t realize that they would all have moved on with their lives(**stops writing here and cleans imaginary tears**). Even the person I called best friend had gotten another best friend and I looked like a big fool still calling her my best friend. Anyway, it’s fine and I don’t blame any of them because it’s kinda selfish for me to expect them to put their lives on hold. They have their lives to live and they can’t put it on hold because of me.
By the way, these “friends in Nigeria” still text me but there’s really no connection there anymore for most of them. Yes, we all talk and text sometimes but it doesn’t feel like before anymore when we were all really close. Long story short, I am kinda “friendless” right now and I lowkey love it. Okay, “friendless’ might be too strong and too harsh. Yeah but according to my own definition of friendship, I really am kinda friendless right now. Also, a lot of people would say that I’m not friendless but I feel friendless(argue with your phones 😂). Anyway, I am able to focus more on myself and do a lot of things that I want to do. I think that’s better for me, right?
Also, I recently had an experience with someone who wanted to be my “friend”. He is a really nice person but it’s just that I feel like I don’t even know how to be a friend anymore. I don’t even entertain friendships anymore because I just think I am not cut out for friendship. I guess that’s fine because I am thriving on my own and I am doing really fine being by myself(*lies but let’s just leave it alone*).
In all, truth is that friendships now confuse me because I’ve seen that people seem to get too attached easily. I am not the best with that, so I don’t know how to deal with a “friend”. Man, I really don’t know. It is well sha. I have God with me. By the way, I really am fine. Please don’t comment “sorry” or anything like that.
Just let me know what you think about friendship in the comment. Do you think you are cut out for friendship? Are you like me when it comes to friendship? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Don’t be scared or shy to leave a comment, this is a judgment-free zone.
Just look at this picture; see how nice the set-up is. That’s all for today y’all. Bye:) Don’t forget to leave a comment!